The power of touch...

I don't think that I will ever forget the first time that I was able to hold each of my children.  Ever.  They brought Lilli into me as I was still groggy and shaking from the c-section.  This teeny-tiny little ball of red skin and bright eyes.  Jim and my Dad were in the room, and I was totally overwhelmed.  TOTALLY.  She was mine.  My baby.  My baby girl.  I silently whispered to her, as I would to all three the first time I held them, that I loved them for a long time already, that I would always love them, and that I would never leave them.  When Abigail was born, her heart was not beating properly, and she was whisked away to the NICU.  She would stay there for about 48 hours, and my arms ached to hold her.  I was first able to hold her in the Mom's room, and Jim and I stayed there until they told us she needed to go back into her "hut".  Austin was the longest wait, three days.  They attempted to let me hold him on the 2nd day, but within seconds his stats dropped and bells and whistles went off.  He went back into his hut, too.  I would sit on the side of his incubator, placing my hand through the little hole and just stroking his tiny, ultrasoft leg.  When I was able to really hold him, along with his oxygen, it was the best feeling ever.  So tiny, so trusting, so depending on me.

I am lucky that I have children who love to snuggle, perhaps because I rarely put them down as babies and we had a awesome daycare that did the same.  Even Lilli, who is almost 5, wants to be picked up when she is tired to rest her head on my shoulder or against my cheek.  Austin just wants to snuggle, to play with a necklace or an earring, or pick your nose (I know, right).  And Abigail is ATTACHED at my hip, and on my leg, and usually pulling on an arm.

And I love it.  I love being a Mom.  For as many days as I whine and complain and moan about it, there are double that in times that I stand in their rooms at night, watching them sleep, and get teary eyed.  I love them, more than I ever thought I would be able to love anything.

Lillianne Julia

Born and held June 20, 2006

(and would like it to be known that this picture

was take at about midnight after a 6AM induction

and then c-section at 7PM.  I am normally much cuter.)

Abigail Helen

Born June 18, 2007

Held June 20, 2007

Austin Matthew

Born July 25, 2009

Held July 28, 2009