Thursday, April 28, 2016

When it smacks you in the forehead

Conversation with my therapist:

Me:  I know that I use the excuse of "This is how I was raised" or "This is what I have always done."  When does that excuse stop?

CMW:  The day that you walked into my office.

(OK, that's not exactly what she said, but it's the general idea.)

Basically, she said that you can only claim ignorance through your first trauma.  Mine happened my freshman year of college.  From that point, she said, I began learning skills throught therapy on how to cope with feeling and how to deal with my anxiety.  That's not to say that I don't still struggle with putting those skills into place, but I at least know them and can identify when they are to be used.

For 18 months I have used the "I can't" excuse with CMW.  I can't talk about this.  I can't handle talking about that.  I can't go there anymore.  And much like the demise of my old blog, that stops here. 

Shit just got real. 

Time to crawl out of the shell that I have built around me and look into the sunlight....






Wednesday, April 27, 2016

506 Days

506 days ago I stopped writing this blog.  It's right about the time that I found out about how my life was going to change.  And I switched from writing a positive blog filled with fun stories and pictures to a rather negative, but real, blog sharing the crumbling of a sacrament that I held dear to my heart.

That's over.

That doesn't mean it's all good.  Far from it.  But I am realizing (or my therapist is telling me) that I should begin looking at the present more versus that past that I can't change and the future that I can worry about when it happens...

So because I am willing to make that change (CMW  :} ), I am re-opening this blog....and so excited!